So here I am, laundry piling, dishes piling. I did dishes twice yesterday and then made a nice meal, which made more dishes. I do not own a dish washer, though I keep hinting, which has now turned into begging, for one. Laundry three times just to have two more loads to do today. Swept the floor once and tried to get around to mopping, but my son made another mess on the floor and I just wondered what was the use? It's just going to get messy again anyway... Where does all this work come from? I truly do believe there are people living here that I haven't met yet.
I feel this need to upkeep my home. Not just for cleanliness, but for that "just in case", for safety, and for unexpected company. But why? I am working around the clock picking up, putting away, wiping, scrubbing, just to do it all again in twenty minutes. So why? I take pride in my clean home, but why? I feel my family walks right by the mess, ignoring it until it overtakes that part of the house. But then I still need to clean it. I do love cleaning, but I am the only one doing it. But why? Those who make the messes should clean them, am I right?
I'm not ungrateful in any way, but after nearly ten years of picking up everyone else's mess, why? Should I have laid down the law early and refused to pick up the messes created by others around me? It would have ended in many fights and a filthy house from everyone refusing to pick up after themselves, so I took it upon myself. Should I have taught my husband, my children, to clean the messes as soon as they are made to prevent having to scrape applesauce off the kitchen chair, to prevent missing a dirty shirt under the bed or socks under the couch after the laundry is already done? Should I have to check under the couch and bed every time I do laundry?
So many unanswered questions. I am a housewife, a stay-at-home mother, but that does not mean I enjoy it. Some days I dislike my "job". Some people could claim that's ungrateful, but it is a thankless job. I get zero pay for it. I don't get a paid vacation. I don't get designated lunches without jam hands in it. I don't get designated breaks to sit without a child on my lap, pawing at my breasts. I do not get the luxury of a full night of sleep without comforting a child or two when they wake multiple times per night. I do not get the luxury of just walking outside for a breath of fresh air without children bursting out of the door and having to wrangle them back in. I do not get to even do dishes without children climbing up my legs or make dinner without a child climbing on me and having to physically move them to prevent burns.
Does that make me ungrateful? Does that make me a terrible mother? I do not have a babysitter. I do not have family nearby. I have never spent more than an hour or two away from my children, and even then, it may be once every two to three months. I have not been on a date with my husband without children since before we were even married. Does it make me a bad parent to just want a break? To want to escape to some quiet during the day so I am not wasting my nights getting quiet just to lose sleep and do my "job" on four hours of sleep. It's a never-ending cycle. Please tell me I am not alone. Please tell me I am not the only one contributing to the household chores. Please tell me someone else has taken a strike and made a difference.
I am grateful my husband works hard to provide for our family monetarily. I am grateful for my husband, who repairs the things that are broken, does upkeep on the vehicles, mows the lawn. I am thankful that my children are happy, healthy, and intelligent. I am thankful to have a roof above my head, clothes on my back, food on the table. But is it too much to ask to be able to enjoy those and for everyone to contribute, even a little bit on the every day chores? Is it too much to ask for clothes to magically end up in the hamper, dishes rinsed and nicely laid by the sink, folded clothes to be put away instead of dug through and dirty clothes mixed in over the course of a couple days? It takes just minutes to bring the vacuum five feet and vacuum up the cereal from the floor.
But I will keep doing it. I will keep doing it because I do it faster, more efficiently. I do it better. I actually do it. It gets done because I do it. I can't slack off because it's my job. But should it only be my job? How does everyone else's household work? Was it ever different? How did you make that change?
So I guess I go back to doing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning that mess yesterday that my son made that has since dried onto the kitchen floor. I have fought this battle many times in the past and I've just done it and kept quiet, assuming it was part of my job description. I have gotten some cooperation as milk now gets rinsed, sauce gets rinsed, most clothes make it to the hamper, but there is still so much work to do in teaching the household how things should work. Is it really too much to ask? I'm drowning in dirty things in an otherwise clean house.
Rant over.
No comments:
Post a Comment